It’s been awhile since I’ve made a blog post. Mostly because I was so busy with projects for school and my final exams. I found that being worried about making blog posts about the progression of my sobriety only added to more stress to what I had going on. Writing papers, creating Power Point presentations, completing labs and exams, and writing a mock proposal for a fake IT companies help desk solution software recommendation was enough for me. So I had to take a break, and honestly it probably wont be the last.
It all worked out though. I finished the semester with straight A’s and I remained on the Dean’s list. I’ve had a couple weeks off from class, and that’s great because it’s been fairly busy at work. And with Christmas I needed to work all the overtime I could possibly work.
And with Christmas brings me to the point of this post. I’ve been in a dark place over the holiday season, I usually am. I hate this time of year. Trying to provide my kids with an awesome Christmas while being poor is pretty hard. Then thinking about trying to visit family and not being able to get time off of work is a bit depressing. Then bring on the New Year and reflect on all the things I should have accomplished and didn’t.
I was listening to Joey Diaz’s podcast today and he said some shit that opened my eyes, and helped me get out of the slump I’ve been in. I legit felt like he was speaking directly to me. He wanted to talk about the Holiday season and how some people hated this time of year and reasons why. He basically reminded me that my problems are not exclusive to me and that I am not the only person to feel the way I was feeling about the Holiday season.
This was something that I have known for awhile, and the train of thought has actually helped me out a lot over the years. But for some reason, during this time of year I never thought of it that way. I suppose that this is really the only time of the year that I get in a real slump and the only time of year that I can truly use this train of thought. But when it has came down to it I have always just let my feelings get the best of me ignore the advice I would offer to people when they were complaining about their life.
I am glad I decided to listen to the podcast today. Something about Joey reminding me that I wasn’t alone and that I need to stick it out because things would get better just helped me. I fought back tears as I listened and reflected on my life and what was going on. It wasn’t tears of of somber, nor do I think they were tears of joy. I think it was just that I finally had some comfort in realizing that I wasn’t alone. I was able to hold my head up with a little pride and say to myself that I would get through this and things will get better. One or or the other.
What’s crazy is that this sort of depression hits me every year, and every year I say that the next year is going to be better. Here comes the real original “New Year New Me” bull shit. But I never executed. I’ve always been able to dream of things turning better for me, ways I could make them better. But I’ve never actually done the things that I need to do make the shit happen.
So then Joey drops another piece of knowledge, another piece of knowledge that I’ve been told many of times in the past and have never done it. “Write your goals down”, I’ve never actually done this. It’s always been an easy “Next year will be different, we save money, get healthy, and things will be better”. But every year, it’s always been the same thing. So as soon I had a chance, I sat down and wrote down some goals for 2019.
I realize that I have sloppy hand writing, so I will do your eyes the favor of just translating that for you into plain text.
- Put more effort in my relationship / Treat Cristin better.
- Obtain my CompTIA A+ certification
- Lose 75 pounds
- Do more fun things with my kids
- Get an entry level IT job.
- Spend more time with my parents, go down to my dads more than once this year.
- Visit Cristin’s parents
- Write more, in my blog, journal, and come up with an hours worth of material for a stand up routine.
- Go to an open mic and perform the stand up.
- Spend more time with my friends, and meet new people.
But with out a plan, these goals are just words on a screen. In my next post I will go in depth on what these goals mean for me and how I can reach and accomplish these goals. I’m sure I will add more goals as the days go by. But these goals seem like a great start and aren’t unrealistic at all.
Posted in: Journey