Its been about another week. I have been fairly busy finishing up my Labs, Exams, and papers for the end of my Hardware/Software class. One of my best friends flew in last Friday, and another one of my best friends got married on Saturday. It was an awesome wedding, and they had an awesome reception. So congratulations to the newly weds. I was the best man in the wedding and was super nervous about giving a speech. People say I did pretty awesome, but I think they might just be saying that to make me feel better about the whole thing.
I am a bit sad to say that I got pretty drunk at the wedding. An open bar and being around a big group of people drinking probably wasn’t the wisest place to be for a recovering alcoholic. But I damn sure wasn’t going to abandon my boy and tell him I couldn’t do something that I had been committed to for about a year now, and I wasn’t going to ask them to coddle me and not serve alcohol at their wedding. So I guess I kind of went into the entire night knowing I was going to drink.
It was an eye opener though. Here I am four days later still feeling like crap about it. Still feeling stupid about being upset about stupid shit while I was drunk, got into a fairly big argument with one of my best friends and I feel really bad about that. I’m not going to say I regret drinking because I wanted, but I definitely know that I don’t ever want to get like that again.
It’s weird how we throw around the term ‘best friends’. I consider my self lucky enough to have 5 people that I grew up and stayed great friends all through our lives and into adulthood. I should point out that either of these two gentlemen tried to pressure me into drinking that night, in fact they both said that I didn’t have to and shouldn’t feel pressured into drinking. But I think they were a bit relieved when drunk Ryan came, and then a bit regretful when shitfaced Ryan revealed his self.
But here I am again, four days into sobriety. I made it 16 days last time, and I know I’ll easily pass that 16 day mark again. I’m going to leave this post here like this, because I actually have other things that I had planned on posting about before I pressed the restart button on this whole thing. But I just had to get this out there and admit it to myself that I screwed up, and if I lied about it and tried to forget about that night, or hide it from this blog then what would stop me from doing it again.
Posted in: Journey